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Esther's avatar

Your daughter sounds like she is going to be a strong woman one day!

I love your description of her hearing Joe Cocker’s “You Are So Beautiful.”! It was hilarious!

If I may I disagree with a few things you have written, and I'd like to address them here.

I am a baalas teshuva (I became religious later in life, my parents weren't religious), so I can see how some of the things you have written about may be seen as anti-feminist.

"Esther, who uses her beauty and power to seduce King Ahasuerus and save the Jews. "

No she didn't. She was captured against her will, and after that she used ingenuity to save her people. I suggest you read 'Let My Nation Live' by Yosef Deutsch.

It is a fascinating book, that reads like a novel, and goes into the details of the megillah.

Reading this book will help you understand better who Esther really was.

"I’ve heard tell that there are prayers men say in the morning where they thank God they’re not a woman. That feels icky."

The prayer you are talking about, is one of the morning blessing:

"Blessed are You, God our Lord, King of the universe, Who has not made me a woman."

But the reason behind this is simple. Men have more mitzvos (commandments) to keep, so they are thanking for that.

I know it may sound lame, but trust me, the good part is coming now.

Rav S. R. Hirsch, The Hirsch Siddur, p. 13.

This is not a prayer of thanks that God did not make us women. Rather, it calls upon us to contemplate the task which God has imposed upon us by making us free Jewish men, and to pledge ourselves to do justice to this mission.

Men should recognize that the privilege of being obligated in more mitzvot brings with it great responsibility. The berachot (blessings) they recite bear a message beyond simple praise. In reciting a beracha over being commanded in more mitzvot, men’s focus should be on undertaking their unique obligations with utmost seriousness.

In my opinion (I am not a rebbetzen or a rabbi) this means that "With great power comes great responsibility" (spiderman), well not really.

With more mitzvos come more responsibility.

But why do they get to have more mitzvos?

Men have the obligation to pray 3 times a day and learn Torah every day, preferably to learn Torah every free minute of the day.

Why?

Because men are pigs.

If their days are not filled with thoughts of Hashem and his Torah, they will fill it with thoughts of sins.

It is usually explained in a more refined manner, but it is the gist of it.

That is why men have to wear tzitzis (long white strings hanging of the corners of the garment) because when they look down and see the tzitzis, it will remind them that there is a G-d, and this will hopefully keep them away from sinning.

When you look at it that way, the Torah doesn't think much about men's ability for self control.

So yes, when you look at it from this point of view, women ARE more spiritual than man.

Women are not obligated in Torah studies and praying 3 times a day, because, their responsibilities come first, such as raising children.

If it is time for the morning prayers and the baby is crying because she needs to be nursed, the baby's needs come first.

If it is time for afternoon prayers, but a child is crying because he has a boo-boo, comforting the child comes first.

If it is time for evening prayers, but it it also bedtime for the little ones, the children come first.

Although if a woman has no small children yet or are grown enough to survive an hour in the morning and 20 minutes twice a day without their mother, than a woman should pray. And learn Torah, that is important in her mitzva observance, such as the laws of Shabbos, the laws of kashrus, etc.

Women say instead:

"Blessed are You, God our Lord, King of the universe, who made me according to His will!"

"A woman clearly cannot recite a beracha over not being made a woman. And yet, a woman owes God gratitude for being created as a woman."

"although man and woman were originally created as a single, hybrid creature, God’s original vision and will for humanity was that woman should be a distinct “complete” entity. In “She-asani Kirtzono” a woman blesses God who made her a complete human being, distinct from man, as God always willed it."

"that wonderful document a woman must procure to undo a Jewish marriage in the eyes of Judaism. This is called agunah, and from what I can tell, it must be the husband who initiates it and the wife who is presented the get. It’s not gender neutral, the process flows in one, and only one direction."

Let me clarify this for you.

Agunah is a woman who cannot get married again, because the husband refuses to give her a gett.

Nowadays men only can have one wife, so if he wants to get married again, he'll have to provide a gett.

If a man refuses to give his wife a gett, out of malice, the beis din (religious court) has the right to put him in a cherem (ostracize).

Yes, a man has to give the get to his wife, but the proceedings can be started by the wife.

I myself went to the local beis din to start the gett proceedings, for my divorce, and nobody bated an eyelash. It is acceptable.

A man can only give his wife a gett if she accepts it!!!!! It IS a two way street.

In Judaism women have rights!

And if you want to speak of strong feminine figures.

Look at Devorah the prophetess.

Look at Esther!

In our generation, look et Rebbetzin Batsheva Kanievsky (read her biography!)

Here is one thing that feminists like to talk about, but the Torah disagrees.

If a woman is pregnant and doesn't want her baby, the feminists say, that this is her own body, and she can do whatever she wants with it.

Wrong.

There is child, another person, a human being with a soul, who also has rights.

As long as the child is in the woman's body, she can't "do whatever she wants with her body" because there is another person cohabits in her body, killing it would be murder.

Feminism has it's place, and have done a lot of great things to protect women's rights, but in this respect they took it too far.

And in any case our body (both men and women) is a vehicle for our soul, to be able to do mitzvos.

Our body is a gift from Hashem, it is holy, and we have to look after it.

What does it mean?

Live a healthy life, don't hurt our body our on purpose (tatoos etc.). If there is a health concern, one should do what they can to address it (take meds and have surgery if necessary, etc.).

If you have any questions regarding what I just wrote, pls keep in touch!

Please write me either here or send me an email

estherbuchman.thewriter@gmail.com.

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Judy Gruen's avatar

I appreciate your desire for your daughter and all Jewish girls and women to feel they have equal agency with men in the Jewish world. But Judaism isn't about gender neutrality. There are different roles for each, based on inherent and generally accepted emotional and intellectual strengths of each, as well as their needs as individuals and the needs of the community. (There isn't even neutrality among men: men who are from the Kohen line have both more obligations and limitations in their role than from those from the tribe of Levi, and then again from the majority who are considered from Israel.) I promise that if you look more deeply into the role of Jewish women in the Bible--truly studying beyond a cursory reading, which only hints at the full story--you will see remarkable power and agency throughout, from all the matriarchs and through the prophetesses and more. So it is absolutely a canard to claim that it's hard to find support for them in the writings. Clearly, you have not had an opportunity to learn about our incredible women. For example, Esther did not seduce Achashverosh. Hardly! She was taken against her will. Studying deep sources from the Book of Esther you will be astonished to learn of how she used her political instincts and psychological intuitiveness to bring down Haman and the decree against the Jews. Women in the Bible are frequently seen as being right and their husbands or other males in more powerful roles, wrong. This happens over and over again. Also, adjacent topic, Judaism considers a person to be Jewish based on the mother, not the father. While there are many discrepancies in roles and some of these discrepancies can feel not only unequal but dismissive, consider how strongly the value and influence of a Jewish woman is for her to be the parent on whom a child's whole spiritual destiny lies. If you would like more insights into our Jewish ancestresses to better appreciate their role, I'd recommend Laya Saul's "Women of the Copper Mirrors." It's an engaging yet deep read.

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