Life, Loss and Legacy: A Mother-Daughter Love Story
Life, Loss and Legacy: A Mother-Daughter Love Story
“'L’dor v’dor' — from generation to generation. It's a tall order, but I believe that the kind of love my mother left me — when shone as a floodlight — has the power to create worlds."
By Lisa Lang
This July will mark 17 years since my Mom passed away. I miss her every day. Yet she is always with me, and I am in constant conversation with her.
This year, Mom’s birthday fell on the day before Mother’s Day. I have learned over the years to take extra special care of myself around this time of year and her yahrzeit; the anniversary of her death. I have noticed that my emotions can creep up on me out of nowhere. It's like my body can feel the dates — even if I’m not consciously thinking about it. So whether I treat myself to a massage or a short getaway, no matter what, I now reserve those days for “me" time. What a difference it has made.
As a kid growing up, I always knew that I wanted children. Not just one, I was thinking like five! Ten years ago, I even froze my eggs. I had made the clear choice that I wanted to raise children with a partner and I didn't want to be in a hurry to find the right match. I always felt like I had plenty of time and never worried about it.
On September 24, 2023, on Erev Yom Kippur, my body somehow realized something that my brain had not yet caught up to. I was sitting in a coffee shop writing in my journal when a mom and daughter walked in. Suddenly, my eyes were filled with tears. I was unexpectedly experiencing an emotional release in a very public place. What better time to process in my journal?
Writing has always helped me through these moments when my brain can't understand why my body is getting so emotional. The words I write to express how I’m feeling are like a radar; the closer I get to the truth, the stronger my tear ducts respond. Once I'm crying, I know I'm onto something! And boy, did the tears start flowing on that day. It’s important to allow the release, but you have to remember, I was in a public place. I could have left — but that would have meant abandoning a truth ready to rise to consciousness. So I stayed, turning my head away from the crowd, covering my eyes, taking walks outside, and then going back to my journal to uncover more.
I didn't know it then, but the clarity I expressed in my journal helped to guide me through the last several months. I wrote:
“This is the beginning of a whole new year. A whole new cycle. A whole new chapter. And a whole new me. A WHOLE ME, rather. What does that mean today as I head into my future? Who am I? Where am I heading? Where am I meant to be? What am I meant to do? What do I want my story to Be? As I write these questions, the tears start flowing. I am at another precipice. The beginning… of what, I’m not quite sure.”
I went on to answer the questions about who I want to be, how I want to show up in the world, and my hopes for the future. My visions for myself and what I want to accomplish in this lifetime are big. I keep receiving the inclination to “Aim Higher.” And I do. I have always believed in dreaming big — I even named my first company after that notion. I believe these seeds of desire are planted in our heart for a reason, and that if we can imagine something, we can create it.
At the end of a long list, I wrote:
“I want to shine my mothering LOVE like a FLOODLIGHT all throughout the world. Here come the tears again.”
Another truth revealed. I want to shine my mothering LOVE like a FLOODLIGHT. I had recently listened to a Glennon Doyle podcast in which Oprah Winfrey read a letter Doyle had written to her years prior, upon hearing of her mom’s passing. In it, she described Oprah’s love in these terms and it made sense to me. Oprah didn’t raise her own children. She didn’t have one, two, or three kids to shine her mothering light on with a laser focus. Rather, she shared her mothering love like a floodlight with the world.
Our intentions are powerful. I didn't make a conscious effort to shift away from the thought of having kids, but somehow it happened. I started becoming even more aware of all the things that were possible in my life because I never had kids. It’s not that the desire to raise a family went away. It didn’t. I know I’m missing out on something incredibly special. That path would have had its own extraordinary blessings that I may never fully know in this life. But I also know that had my path taken me in that direction, I would have missed out on the extraordinary blessings that I am receiving in this life. The one that chose me… This time around.
It’s crazy to think that the daughter of my mother wouldn't be a mother herself. She was so extraordinary in countless ways. Even in spirit, her loving presence still mothers me to this day — and it always will. I want to continue passing down all the love she gave me and expressed to me from every ounce of her being. I have so much of her heart and spirit inside me, and I always want to share it.
“L’dor v’dor” — from generation to generation. I now have a new framework for the perpetuity of these words. My Mom’s grandchildren are now having children of their own. They will no doubt pass down her love and light from generation to generation. I already see it. So where will mine go? From every ounce of my being, I create with a force of love that flows through me. It’s what energizes and fuels my spirit. I believe that in this life, I get to channel the nurturing energy and goodness I received from my Mom through my own creativity. It's a tall order, but I believe that kind of love, when shone as a floodlight, has the power to create worlds.
LISA LANG is the founder of Spread Goodness®, a multi-channel brand with the mission to uplift the vibration of the planet through acts of human kindness and generosity of spirit.
From unpacking history and politics to navigating the nuances of family and personal relationships to finding the human angle on sports and entertainment — plus our unsparing take on what’s happening in the Jewish world — the canvas at JEWDICIOUS is limitless! JOIN US!!
