Jewish Names, Jewish Stars
"I must say, it feels great to be loud and proud of my heritage by wearing a symbol that shares my history with the world around me. And I have my dearest Cohen girlfriends to thank for it."
By Laurie Shelton
I never liked the last name “Scholnick” growing up, which is a good thing since it wasn’t mine. But it could have been, if my grandfather hadn’t changed it to Shelton in the years right after World War II. It was a scary time, and my grandfather was worried about his seven-year-old son — my Dad, and the future success of his business.
That said, because my last name is Shelton, in my adulthood I have felt unseen when I recognize someone who is Jewish and known by their name from a simple introduction. I find myself figuring out a way to make our common denominator apparent in the early conversations, tying in that invisible thread of commonality and familiarity.
Two of my closest friends, Tracy and Rachel Cohen (unrelated), don’t have that problem. “Cohen” is a pretty quick tip-off. The irony is that on occasion I’ve envied having their last name. I was SO lucky when for my 50th birthday they presented me with a beautiful and sparkly necklace with a Star of David. The gift from them, so fitting — I was thrilled!
Last weekend after exiting a movie theatre, a woman noticed my Star. She mentioned it to me and we realized that we both knew the same rabbi in town. It was an instant and visceral connection. Then her friend approached and she said:
“This young lady with her Magen David necklace just asked me what we thought of the film.”
Finally I understood the power of a name; what it felt like to have a surname like “Cohen.” When this Jewish woman’s recognition of my Star and my faith happened, it literally gave me a warm feeling.
The funny thing is that when I was growing up, my objection to “Scholnick” had nothing to do with it being Jewish. I just didn’t like the sound of it. I’ve only felt that lack of what it stood for as I’ve become more and more connected with my faith in my older years. I must say, it feels good to be loud and proud of my heritage and to be able to wear a symbol that openly shares my history with the world around me when I choose to do so.
At the same time, I can’t help but notice the backdrop against which I’m embracing this public expression. The truth is that my name adds a level of safety and security during this moment in history that has seen new levels of antisemitism in many countries around the world. I recognize this fact now, which would have never been a concern a few years ago. After October 7, many of my nieces chose to take off their recognizable jewelry, due to the fears they experienced on college campuses. It breaks my heart, yet I get it.
Not long after that movie night, I was having my first Zoom call with a colleague whose last name was “Levine.” Knowing this person was likely Jewish, I wanted to make it known that I was too. I wore my necklace as a statement to bring our familiarity to the start of our association.
Don’t get me wrong — I have more friends who aren’t Jewish and whom I equally love. I care about the people I care about — because I care about the people I care about.
But there’s no question that my growth as a Jew that has come with age and living has deepened the meaning of my life. Embracing my identity is now the greatest joy. And I have my dearest Cohen girlfriends to thank for this new sparkly item that adds to this stage of it. And a deep appreciation for being a Shelton, I love my name and the reason it came to be mine.
LAURIE SHELTON is a veteran adoption specialist and an avid international travel writer who has corresponded from more than 30 countries.
