Growing Younger: How Making True Connections With Our Elders Enriches Our Lives
“I am always in awe of the positive nature and determination this strong woman personifies – especially in the face of the cards she’s been dealt.“
By Laurie Shelton
Unique friendships are so often created through tikkun olam. I have been lucky to experience this good fortune many times.
I’m all about babies and older ladies – always have been. Having worked in the newborn domestic adoption field for 26 years, I love taking care of everyone and building families. It has always just come naturally.
My other soft spot, old ladies, came about when my grandma Doris passed away in 2000 (the last of my grandparents to leave this precious earth). I started volunteering for a homebound seniors organization I had learned about through the Phoenix Jewish News-Adopt a Grandma! This had had my name written all over it.
My first adopted grandma back in 2001 was a 100-year-old sweet lady who was involved with the Purple/Red Hat Society. She was also a tap dancer who liked cocktails and loved to play games. She knew how to live life and taught me so much over the course of our two-year relationship of doing weekly grocery shopping together. I remember being mesmerized by this lady’s choice of food items and the fact that she was over 100 years of age. This is my nice way of saying that she was not exactly a healthy eater!
By age 102, my friend was unable to live on her own anymore and was placed in an assisted living facility. She no longer needed my assistance, so the company placed me with another grandmother. This woman didn’t like me, and, sad to say, she was actually a bit of a pill. As this was a volunteer position, I didn’t feel like this would be the most productive match.
I took a break and decided I really wanted to fill the void of having lost my own “bubbe.” So I told the agency that unless they had a woman in desperate need, I would now be available for emergency services only. I wanted to wait until a Jewish grandma was available before I accepted a permanent placement. If you understand the private adoption process and the preferences required to create a healthy match – this approach is much the same.
After waiting a year, I was contacted about a Jewish lady who had recently lost her husband. She lived outside of my zip code, which was one of my preferences. When I received her intake form to review, I recognized that her late husband shared my exact birthday. I knew this was a true sign and that I had to meet her in person to see if we were a match. She was in need of weekly grocery shopping and lived 20 minutes away from me.
At the time, I had a full time job and a fairly busy social calendar. It would have been easy to not add a new person into my life. But thank God I did. I went to meet up with the woman who would become my Grandma Trudy. It was a match made in heaven.
Trudy had two daughters, who both lived out of state and visited once or twice a year with her three young grandchildren. She was in her late 70s and living alone, but did not drive. Trudy became my weekly date every Friday afternoon between 1-3pm. We were regulars at the Scottsdale Fry’s Foods and wandered down the aisles kibitzing together. Throughout our eight-year relationship she got to know my family and I hers. She was one of my nieces’ mitzvah projects for her B’nai Mitzvah. Rachel assisted us in the grocery shopping and Trudy taught her how to prepare and make a proper Friday night Shabbat meal. Our entire family had dinner at her home with candles and all the traditions of a Friday night Shabbat.
Far too soon, my adopted bubbe had a terrible fall from a serious stroke, and went into a hospice home for a short period before passing. In her final moments, I was fortunate to be holding one of her hands, while her daughter clasped the other.
Again, I knew I needed an adopted grandma in my life. I was blessed to have had two of the MOST amazing grandmothers when I was younger, and still miss them dearly. I thrive on providing care, support, and love to old ladies. After grieving my loss, I enlisted to be matched, but once again only with a bubbe. It was a long wait this time, as I requested that she be living within my zip code.
I got a call at the end of 2018 about a visually impaired woman who lived alone and had just lost her husband. She lived less than a mile from me. We met, and somehow once again it was a perfect match . My new adopted grandma is Helene, and we quickly grew to be true friends.
More than that, I’m convinced that Helene and I are karmically connected. She refers to me as a “Renaissance Woman,” which makes me chuckle and warms my heart. I take her grocery shopping 2-3 times a month when she resides in Arizona. She is a snow bird and spends half the year in Woodstock, New York. Her own mother lived until age 97 and I was able to offer her “friendly visiting” services where she lived when Helene was away. We became a pseudo-family.
The best part of this ongoing relationship is how much I have personally grown and learned from our time spent together. I am always in awe of the positive nature and determination this strong woman personifies – especially in the face of the cards she’s been dealt. She was originally a sighted person who lost her vision only 16 years ago. Being blind is an incredibly challenging and often a scary way to live. The amount of trust she has instilled in me every time we are together just blows my mind.
I’ve had the pleasure of visiting her in her hometown of Woodstock a few times. The experiences we’ve shared hiking through the Catskill mountains on rugged forest-filled paths has provided me a new level of appreciation for my five senses. The joy I have felt in those moments is very hard to put into words.
When she asks me to stop and verbally paint a picture of the scene we are standing in, it’s an experience that leaves a priceless imprint in my psyche and on my heart. I feel so blessed that we’ve crossed paths and that we get to continue being a part of one another’s journey.
One moral of the story: continue giving back to your community. Beyond the good you seek to do – you never know what you might receive on the other end. The lessons learned from all of my “old ladies” have shaped me to be a better person in more ways than I could have ever imagined – for which I am grateful!
Laurie Shelton is a Veteran Adoption Specialist and an avid international Travel Writer who has corresponded from more than 30 countries.
